We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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