We had to coat check the pizza.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
