If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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