Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
