loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
