Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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