Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
