Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize