Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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