You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
