You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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