I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
All I want is dick and wine.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize