garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
