why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
