They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
