I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Randomize
