i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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