I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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