Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
