I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
