Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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