btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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