Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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