insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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