my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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