imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you didnt know i had herpes?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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