I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
