okay pat passed out under dana's car
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
