Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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