I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
