if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
