The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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