Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
This baby is an asshole
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize