I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
