so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
