Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
