I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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