I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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