I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Welp...herpes.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
How external is "for external use only"?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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