how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
