If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
