dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
