You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
