I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
