escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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