Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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