my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
whose parrot is this?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize