she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize