Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My vagina is very pro this idea
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