no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
