You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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