Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
