Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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