Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
