three words: i give head
three words: not that well
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
