just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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