never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Drunk is not a location!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
