so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My cat gives me a boner
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
