I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
