I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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