i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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