Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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