Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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