It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
