She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
