I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
