Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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