: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize