I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
