her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
