I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize