i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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