I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
ttyl tear gas
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
