I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
