This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
