Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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