...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
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