I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize