Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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