i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he was CRYING into my vagina
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
