dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
