And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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