I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize