I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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