Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
