so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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