Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
