yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
