dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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