I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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