He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
