Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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