Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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