I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
