Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
