I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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