Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
