I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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