Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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