his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
