You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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