Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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