Dual....:-)
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
