First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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