literally had 100 drinks last night.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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