Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
