trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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