If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
