Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Drunk is not a location!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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