Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
