Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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