The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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