i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
