She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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