who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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