I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
