Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
