remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
